A Loving Home

The selection of Marian Robinson as First Grandmother flew under the radar of many, but may reveal more of President-elect Obama's mindset and values than any of his other cabinet or administrative choices.

Rather than the view of the dominant culture that the mother-in-law is a nuisance, in our history, extended family has promoted our survival in hostile or complex environments. Particularly, the raising of children has been a communal responsibility as we have always understood that "it takes a village." In recent years this family perspective has become fractionalized as we have become a collection of individuals at the expense of the caring community that has been our strength.

Marian Robinson, the mother of First Lady-elect Michelle Obama, by moving into the White House to care for Malia, 10 and Sasha, 7 as their parents attempt to run a nation as well as a household means reviewing our child-rearing practices as part of reclaiming our family values.

It also means the following:

Parenting in the 21st century is a complex issue, indicating the need to adapt or for creativity in providing safety, care, and discipline to ensure emotionally healthy children.

The days of saying children should be "seen and not heard" should be replaced by a new refrain that states "Children are Important" and raising them requires a plan and not leaving their future to chance.

The first task of the village or extended family is to provide a place of learning, love, wisdom, understanding, and comfort. When peace and harmony are added, that is home.

Not where I was born, but where it goes well with me is my home.
Kanuri Proverb

Savoir-Faire

The election of the first African American president in the United States has triggered a backlash of more than 200 related hate crimes, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center. In inner-cities and among other marginalized youth however, the Obama victory appears to have sparked an interest in urbanity and civility, according to my own unscientific but sagacious observations.

The meaning of Barack Obama's election, to many African American youth, has revised their definition of manhood from gangsta' to professional, from dumb and don't care to intelligent and passionate, and from falling down pants to well fitting business suits or other more refined attire. Obama's overcoming has also added or is adding hard work, intelligence, dignity, family, and anti-sexism, racism, or classism to the definition of black masculinity and desirability.

What was it in Obama's method, that has been successful in changing the behavior and values of our youth, where our past leadership and parenting efforts have been fruitless? I attribute it to the following:

1. He was blunt and direct in articulating past and present failures rather than becoming an enabler or co-dependent by making excuses for dysfunctional behavior or covering for or minimizing embarassing failures.

2. Yet, he did not allow articulation of failure to become a permanent mantra which would have destroyed the future of our youth, relegating them to a prison of hopelessness so that their lives would have become a self-fulfilling prophecy of the put-downs.

3. Obama exposed his own obstacles and humble life experiences to allow his victory to trumpet the message that "the future ain't like it's always been" and no longer do we have to continue hurting ourselves by internalizing the pain of rejection.

4. Believed in us. The President-elect assumed that concealed somewhere in our tattered existence, was something glorious and very noble and made his appeal to the dignity and the best within us. Obama's certainty that we are still great human beings, more than anything else, separated him from the other candidate, draws the best from within us, and makes the difference in changing our attitudes and behaviors because it restores the hope that unlimited possibilities are now attainable.

For we are saved by hope....
Romans 8:24